Remembering Michael

Well, today was Michael's due date. I can't even type it without crying. I know had things been different he would probably have been born last week (as all the others came a week early). I would have spent the month of June being swollen, exhausted and complaining of not getting good sleep. :)  We'd have an extra bedroom built upstairs and I may have even put the kids in school. I would have had the little bassinet set up at the end of our bed with all clean linens. I would have been overwhelmed, but I would have been SO EXCITED as well. I LOVE a new baby in the house. I love that sweet peach fuzz head on my shoulder with the little baby breaths in my ear. I love the tiny diapers, the swaddling blankets, the soft baby skin. I love that newborns let you hold them for hours- and I always do. I would have felt so blessed for God to know better than I that we needed that precious boy. I would have explained to you that Charlie was so independent because God knew Michael was coming and wanted my lap empty for the next baby. I would be so excited to raise Michael and Charlie together as buddies with little Tuck Tuck leading the way. What a fun, rowdy, happy house we'd have had.

But God had a different plan. God  breathed life into Michael's soul only to call it forth to Glory. I was to learn about trusting Him with all I have- even my precious child's life (and then just months later with my nephew's life). God wanted me to be able to go to Noah's service. He wanted me to have some suffering to offer up for others. He wanted to show me that my broken heart can heal in His hands. He loves me and His plan is perfect. I love Michael so much. My heart aches for him, but I know God loves him more and I trust in His mercy and goodness.

He gives, He takes away. Blessed be the name of the Lord.